he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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