a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize