You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize