I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
