but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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