I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
