someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
