shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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