Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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