ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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