break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
