I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Randomize
