Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
