what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
