he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
