I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
