remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
