how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
