I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
