This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Randomize
