i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
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I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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