i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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