Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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