It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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