did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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