dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
