i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
