Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
