I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
