His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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