So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
