C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
