Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
