He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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