I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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