take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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