No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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