you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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