What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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