She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
