tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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