another moral hangover. fuck.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
