I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
