dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
