Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
