Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
