so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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