If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
