even my farts smell like vagina
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
