i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
