I'm going to jail i love you
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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