is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
