dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
