I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
