Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
