Will you blow on my dice?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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