I just cut my nipple shaving
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she looked like the before picture.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
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Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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