ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just found puke in my bra..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
