hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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