I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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