morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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