I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
