We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
