Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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