Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
