My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize