She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
