My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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