I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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