Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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