I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
