Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
