I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
