I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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