opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
