Apparently you make a good broom.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
