meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
