One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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