I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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