I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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