My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
