This is not my ceiling
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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