Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
