Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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