I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
