Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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